This summer has been weird. Weird in a good way, I think. Once again, it’s been a matter of “what do I want?” and “how do i get it?” and more often than usually “how do I feel?” During the two years I’ve been single, those questions have been hard for me. Sometimes even too hard, so I’ve tried to forget them and tried to live on. But well, there’s no way you can escape questions that important. Eventually, they will come back to you and you will have to deal with them.
One of the most important tools of introspection for me this year has been zen, or zazen, the meditation practice of zen. It’s not anything special. You sit down for twenty, thirty minutes, stare at the wall and well, listen to how stupid thoughts you actually have. Then again, there are no stupid thoughts, they are just thoughts. (But if thoughts could be stupid, this would be one of the most stupid ones ever.. :D)
What I’ve found out about me so far is 1) I still love music and it’s an integral part of my life, 2) the other parts of my life ain’t so bad either, 3) I like being single and living alone, 4) but it’d also be nice to find someone, 5) but I’m in no hurry and 6) does anyone really give a sh*t about these sorts of list, anyway?
For the rest of this evening, I’ll try to live in the moment. I’ll try not to think about yesterday or tomorrow. All that matters is this moment.